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I typically don't sweat, but I do in Goa. This place is hot, hot, hot... and humid. Goa in April - bad move. I chose the wrong time to go here. It doesn't agree with me in so many ways. 

I am sick - they call it Delhi belly. I suppose that if you don't get it at least once, you haven't really done India. Delhi Belly is a rite of passage, albeit a rough one. It might have been the snapper; it might have been the biryani; it might have been the vegetables from the stand. Who knows? But here's a word to the wise...avoid street foods. I consider myself to be pretty resilient, but I am nothing against street food. Street food, it turns out, is undefeated.

After a fish lunch, I took a ride out to the historic church in Old Goa - about an hour's drive. The idea sounded better than the reality. It turned out to be a bust: photography wasn’t allowed, the sun was merciless, and the air felt like a steam bath. I poked around for a bit, then cut the visit short.

At that point, I felt fine - sweaty, but fine. 

However, the situation took a turn in the cab ride back from Old Goa. Things started ramping up. Not exactly ideal, but, then again, is there an ideal place for your insides to mutiny.

I felt it coming on. I was a bit incredulous at first, and I tried to ignore it. But after a few gurgles, I knew. I knew the countdown had begun. 

I loaded the location into Google Maps... twelve minutes to the destination. The longest twelve minutes of my life. Every pothole, every traffic jam, every sharp turn became relevant.  - Crucial. Excruciating.

I almost asked the driver to pull over, so I could run behind a bush, but everyone in Goa was out on the street - families, teenagers, tourists, cows. The kind of captive audience you really don’t want during a gastrointestinal crisis.

I don't think I've ever been so happy to see the inside of a very mediocre Airbnb in my life. It was hot and it smelled of mildew, but it was my private battle ground. I tossed my bag somewhere - it didn't matter, and I made it to the loo with seconds to spare.

Delhi belly finds you. It humbles you.  It leaves you with a new respect for the bland American diet.

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